How society pushes us to Abusivide relations

While in society there are no talk about the “new phenomenon”, the following victims suffer somewhere. We deal with why in recent years there have been so many abusers where they were before and why some are still sure that the manifestations of Abuez are to blame for the one who suffered from him.

The word “Abuez” is increasingly appearing on the pages of printed and online publications. But what is it and why abusive relations are dangerous, not everyone still understands. Someone even says that these are nothing more than marketing (books with the term “Abuez” in the heading are beaten by all sales records, and by online courses for the victims of Abuez are replicated by millions of launches).

But in fact, the new word gave the name to the old and the phenomenon rooted in our society.

What is abusive relations

Abuzive relations are those in which one person violates the personal boundaries of the other, humiliates, allows cruelty in communication and actions to suppress the will of the victim. Typically, abusive relations – in a couple, between relatives, parents and children or the boss and subordinates – are developing in an increase in growing. At first, this is a violation of borders and insignificant, as if by chance, suppression of will, then personal and financial isolation. Insults and manifestations of cruelty are the extreme points of abusive relations.

Abuez in cinema and literature

“But what about crazy love, like Romeo and Juliet?” – you ask. This is also an abusive relationship. And any other romantic stories – from the same opera. When he achieves it, and she refuses him, then inferior to his pressure, and then he rushes from the cliff, because the beloved died or went to another, this is also not about love. This is about co -dependence. Without it, there would be no interesting novel or a memorable film.

The film industry was romanticized by Abuez. And this is one of the reasons why unhealthy relations seem to us precisely because we have been looking for all our lives

Stories like Juliet, John and Elizabeth from the film “9 ½ weeks”, Dainerys and Khal Drogo from “Game of Thrones”, taking place with real people, worry of psychologists. Society, on the contrary, lures them, finding romantic, entertaining and even instructive.

If someone develops a relationship evenly, based on an equal partnership and trust, it seems to many to be boring or even suspicious. There is no heartbreaking drama, butterflies in the stomach, the sea tears, the woman does not beat in hysteria, the man does not kill the opponent on a duel – a disorder ..

If your relationship develops like in a movie, we most likely have bad news for you.

“Abuez is a fashion”

There are many opinions about why abusive relations suddenly found themselves in the focus of attention. Often they are diametrically opposite. As always, truth is somewhere in the middle.

You can most often hear the idea that modern people have become too pampered – sensual and vulnerable. Any unusual situation can bring to stress, or even suicide. “They tried to talk about some Abuez there in the First or Second World War or in Stalin’s times. And in general, with the mood like modern youth, you can’t win any war ”.

No matter how sharply this opinion may sound, but there is a share of truth in it. In the XX century, especially at its beginning and middle, people were more “thick -skinned”. Yes, they felt pain – physical and psychological, worried, losing loved ones, fell in love and upset if the feeling was not mutual,

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but not as hypertrophied as the modern generation. And there is a logical explanation for this.

At that time, people literally survived – the First World War, the Revolution of 1917, the famine of 1932-1933, the second world, post -war devastation and hunger. The country more or less recovered after the following events only to the rule of Khrushchev. Be the people of that time as sensitive as we, they would simply not have experienced all those horrors.

An adult abec is an injured child

The modern conditions of existence are not so cruel and difficult, and therefore human feelings can develop. This led to the fact that people with a more vulnerable psyche began to be born. For them, situations, only remotely similar to those that took place at the beginning and middle of the 20th century, is a real disaster.

Increasingly, psychologists meet people with deep “disgust” in childhood in childhood sessions. Although, it would seem, the modern mother has much more time and effort on the child than the average mother in the middle of the last century.

These children grow up in wounded adults, and often in abusers. Patterns from the past stimulate their love in certain, non -ecological ways or become victims that do not know how to get out of vicious relations. Such people meet a partner, bite him with all their hearts and begin to be jealous, control, limit communication, destroy self -esteem, put pressure.

Sources of legalized Abuez

But Abuez has always been and is unlikely to disappear from our lives. Just before there were no specialists who dared to raise this topic. Moreover, this is a global tendency.

There is unhealthy interpersonal relationships everywhere. The leaders in the Abuez between a man and a woman are Middle Eastern countries, where they still raise children in the framework of outdated traditions and conventions, put unhealthy ideas about marriage and rights in it.

In Russian culture, Abuez is also an integral part of life. Remember at least “Domostroy”, where a woman is a servant of her husband, obedient, submissive and silent. But so far many people still believe that housekeeping relations are right. And there are experts who translate this into the masses and get a big response from the audience (and, surprisingly, from women).

Let’s get back to our history. The second half of the XX century. A huge number of soldiers did not return from the war, in cities and villages the total lack of men. Women accepted any – crippled, and drinking, and those who have suffered the psyche.